Mascara at a wedding

I never really wear makeup. I could pretend it’s because I love myself just the way I am or because of some principle I hold dear, but I’m actually just lazy. When I do get dressed up for things, I manage to do some blush and mascara. I always think it’s funny, as someone who cries at weddings the moment I see the couple’s tears start, that I even bother with mascara, but these days mascara is so waterproof you essentially can’t remove it.

When my fiancé and I go to weddings, I cry tears of joy at the life of happiness and the celebration of togetherness that we are all there to be a part of. Still, almost always, I later shed a selfish tear or two at the fact that I’ll never have a typical bride-and-groom wedding. There are so many little details and traditions that I will have to alter or, at the very least, consider. I’m coming from a place of immense privilege that these are the things I worry about, but they are very real concerns for me as I think about my own future.

Last night I celebrated the beautiful marriage of my friend Jeff and his now husband. It was the first wedding I’ve been to since being engaged, and it was my first ever same-sex marriage. What an experience. I cried because I can absolutely have a dream wedding that focuses on my love and not on the fact that I am gay. All the small details and considerations aside, the wedding doesn’t need to be a series of loopholes bringing it as close as possible to a “normal” wedding. Wishing them a lifetime of happiness!

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